For some reason when I picture "mother," I picture a well-manicured, even-tempered, intelligent woman. She has poise and grace and is surrounded by calm as opposed to chaos. A woman who is self-assured and knows what her children need. She can almost foretell the needs of those around her. Her home is tidy, her children always clean and well-behaved and her husband has a smile.
The moment I earned the title mother, it was like a beacon of light shone through every crack and flaw in my perception of mother and my perception of self. There were places where they overlapped, but mostly I saw flaws. I now realize they weren't flaws. Perhaps, I decided that I would prefer not to emphasize perfection and focus on quality of life. Other times it highlighted areas where I was living up to my fullest potential and allowed me to face and confront my complacency. Once in a while it highlighted my strengths and purpose.
Each day I try my best to be the best person I can be for my girls. They will look to me and learn how to deal with this big complicated world. I am loud and sometimes yell, but I am loving and deep and all-accepting of my girls. I am strong, yet flawed, but embrace my flaws or strive to change. I do not define myself through other people, but through my own eyes which empowers me to be free. Although chaos surrounds me, life is good and I cherish every moment. I don't want to show them June... I would rather show them me.