Saturday, January 2, 2010

The days are long, but the years are short.

I swear I was pregnant for the first time yesterday. Yet, here I am listening to the heavy breathing daughters I birthed. So, this story does not start in the beginning rather it start "near the beginning." Its almost my 3 year anniversary of being a mom and soon after, my one year anniversary of being a mother of two.

I remember from the moment I gave birth always feeling like I was always one step behind. Just when I was mastering how to handle the latest milestone, she would move to the next. Getting frustrated during times I knew I should be joyous. Learning that you can always be a better mother, so, technically, you can never be perfect. (That was one of the first times I had to face up to being a perfectionist in essence).

Just when I regained a sense of control, my oldest hits her terrible twos and my second is born. Wow, for me, the transition to 2 has been insane. I thought I was one step behind before, now, I am 2 steps behind on 2 different stair cases at the same time. Each day ends with me tired, mentally drained but I also got to bear witness to beautiful moments. Each milestone is to be savored, but with the speed of motherhood you need to remember to take that time or it flies by like lightening. I realized that time is moving so fast and I am so focused on my kids... I lose sight of myself.

Allowing myself to expend energy on myself makes me a good mother. In order to now how to be the best Mom for my kids I need to know who I am, what I value, what life I want for them and what type of mom am I. Floating on water is never as fun as swimming... why should I settle for passive living?

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