Monday, January 25, 2010

I'm just along for the ride...

Three years ago right about now, my labor began with my first child. I didn't quite know it but those practice contractions were starting to move into "real" contraction and my journey was about to begin. I remember just wanting to meet her and hold her just to see what she looked like. Does she look like me? Is she as strong as she seemed while she was kicking my ribs? What did motherhood have in store? Hell, what did labor have in-store for me?

Nothing went as planned for me... she was a month early... born the Friday before my last Lamaze class. Labor pains weren't quite what I expected. I was able to go to sleep and wake up still wondering if I was in labor. There was no way to tell when one contraction ended and one began. How was I supposed to tell when I was supposed to go to the hospital? My water broke. I was by myself. My labor went from nothing to intense and I could actually feel her in my stomach. I drove myself to the hospital and delivered her shortly after arriving surrounded by coworkers (I worked in the hospital's HR at that time). I was too far a long for epidurals or any treatment, so, I had to deliver naturally. That was not apart of my plan!!!! She was supposed to be a February baby, my husband was supposed to be there and my coworkers were not supposed to know what my vagina looked like!

I didn't know it at the time, but this was the greatest introduction I could have had to motherhood. You can't control what's going to happen... you can only control how you react to it. No matter how you plan and prepare, something will happen that you could not plan for ahead of time. What "should" be is not what "will" be and that's OK. Even though my birth was not what I expected, it was my experience and I would not change it for the world. So when life starts making me feel like I'm trying to tame a wild horse, I just step back and remember, I'm just along for the ride....

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