As the new year approaches, the theme of life becomes change... How have you changed? Is this the change you want? What do you want to change? Do you resolve to be a better person? What does that mean?
Enter stage right, the person who once knew exactly who she was, but then lost herself. So long ago that it almost feels like a distant memory. She reflects on herself and reflects on the memory of her. The child she once was not the woman she is.
Who am I?
I'm a wife and mother to two beautiful little girls. I may still feel like a young girl, but the mirror reflects a woman in her early thirties and the constant calls of Mom remind me that I'm a child any longer. I'm the Mom now. The roles have shifted. I'm not the mom I imagined I'd be when I was younger. I thought I would be a natural that when my child was born and I would have all the patience in the world, know how to be all loving and knowing and it would just be. However, I realize for me being a Mom is a work in progress. Each day, I learn a little more about myself and each day I try to take the opportunity for change. Most days the quest for change prolongs overs months...years making me feel even more inadequate that I can never make tomorrow arrive. Being a mother is wonderful, but it forever changes my perception and it has been quite a journey not just negotiating this new role, but the challenges this new role has brought to my identity.
Motherhood makes you face your fears, your insecurities, it doesn't allow you to be selfish yet, it requires a firm sense of self. How do you balance who you are with who you need to be with who you want to be? If you are not satisfied and cannot find satisfaction, how do you raise your children to find that same satisfaction that you wish for them? This is my quest... for truth... MY TRUTH, so my daughters will be able to embrace theirs.